Personality Roles/Functions

The internal system, which could be described by some as a "victim" of DID, to me can be described as an illustration of the divine dichotomy of how we relate to each other in the whole of mankind, as individual galaxies in the vastness of space, as ONE, as individuated cells, each with specific and unique intelligence to run the human body, as mankind. While a person with DID may perceive of themselves as many, they are indeed only one. While within their perceived many, there may be perpetrators and violators of the system, those parts are always of noble intent, though they may not have information or abilities to act in congruence with the perceived good of the whole.

Just as we must deal in our daily lives with those who, paralyzed by fear, refuse to see, who harden themselves to become like boulders in the flow of the river of life to the ocean of oneness, so too does a victim of early abuse learn to flow around the rigid, fear-filled parts until she can learn how to bring fluidity to the whole by use of the power of unconditional love and acceptance, and by honoring the noble intent of each and every part. THIS then, the purpose of life, is beautifully illustrated in the process of healing from catastrophic abuse, and can be experienced as a joyful, richly fulfilling endeavor for both the victim and her counselors.

Epilogue

Just as I had feared it would,

the day dawned bright and cold.

The glue could stick no longer

The seams all lost their hold.

At first I couldn't pick them up;

the pieces lay in shards, and

scattered to the blowing winds

like a deck of playing cards.

I searched at first halfheartedly

not wanting to believe

the whispered scraps of evidence

my mind began to weave.

I only came to know the truth

by the Spirit's patient teaching

by gentle words of kind reproach,

and time and time beseeching.

The Spirit taught me first to see

that to receive the greatest gift

I must, as well, give credence to

the great, eternal rift.

That first I must embrace the fact

that evil does bear sway

in a world of relativity

where Love is the only way.

And then I tried to justify

the actions of my dad --

the teachings of his fathers

were what had made him bad.

The Voice then gently chided me,

and calling me by name,

Pointed out the obvious.....

our teachings were the same.

And that became the turning point

from whence I understood --

it's not the circumstance that counts

but the choice for ill or good.

At last I could believe the things

my pieces had to tell.

The psychic walls came tumbling down

and the truth began to jell.

Those days were the loneliest

I hope I ever spend

as I set forth to do the work

of helping myselves mend.

I gathered every single piece

and peeled the paint and glue

uncovered all the hidden pain

and suffered it anew

I took my pieces to the Lord

and laid them at His feet

for I could find no mortal way

to make the edges meet.

I feared that I would ever be

in pieces on the floor

or that I'd have to wait till death

and rising, to be more.

But no, He gathered every single piece

and held them to his breast,

infusing them with love and light

til each formed with the rest.

He held me up to see myself

as I had been revamped

In place of porcelain sugar bowl,

was a leaded crystal lamp.

My simple form was exquisite,

each facet catching light;

reflecting out to others who

were searching in the night.

A guiding light he made of me

and set me on a hill;

a sparking beacon of His love,

for others broken still.

c 1996 Julia Fairchild

In conclusion, I would recap what I have learned in my experience as both a "victim" of DID and therapist to others who suffer the same.

I have learned that ultimately, there's no such thing as a victim.

I have learned that it's not what happens to a human being, but what they do with it.

I have learned that faced with intolerable circumstances, little children are equipped to tolerate and survive each circumstance until such time as they can choose for themselves how to react. That tool is often the ability to dissociate, and to use their imagination to create circumstances for themselves which are tolerable, and which allow them to survive otherwise impossible odds.

I have learned there is a difference between surviving and thriving, and that therein lies the choice we each must embrace and hold ourselves accountable for.

In order to illustrate the process of integration of DID, I wrote an epilogue to Porcelain Bisque, which I would like to share here.